Until you've learned to drive, you've never really learned how to swear - Robert Paul
Hello fellow drivers and welcome to Lesson Five of Berg's Driving Guide for Idiots in Malaysia, or anywhere else for that matter. Few reasons why I put Malaysia in the title:
1. I live in Malaysia
2. I drive in Malaysia
..and..
3. There's a lot of idiotic drivers in Malaysia
Most people would disagree and say that they have the worst drivers ever in their own country, and for that I say Kudos! Here's something that you can use to educate those poor souls.
So let's move on to our next lesson, shall we? As you all can read from the quote above, today's lesson has something to do about anger management during driving. Yes, sometimes you feel like you want to take a swing at that idiot's head for driving too slow in the fast lane, sometimes you want to drive through the biker who swiped your side mirror as he swerve in and out of the traffic and sometimes you wish you can taser that son of a bitch who kept on flashing his headlights just so he can get to his destination a few minutes early.
No matter what killer urges you have, even if they really deserve it, there's always a need to be calm and collected. Keep calm and drive on. And if you can't keep calm, there's always small things that you can do legally to get back at those fuckers ;)
.Lesson Five.
So you think you can't hold in the anger anymore? Here are a few tips to ensure safe driving for you and others, before a killing spree starts and cops on your tail.
1. Basic Steps
- Need to vent that crazy inner Ted Bundy? Just listen to some soothing music. Not some instrumental Beethoven crap. Music that YOU like and always give you the inner peace you were looking for. Hey, if heavy metal puts you to a peaceful state, by all means go ahead and bang your head to the tunes of Black Sabbath, or whatever the crazy kids are listening to nowadays. Personally, I like songs that I can sing to. Or scream to for that matter. Heh.
- Music's not your cup of tea? Feel the need to punch it out? Then get yourself a stress ball. You know what, get yourself more stress balls. Just in case you actually throw one straight to that idiot's head. Read somewhere that aggressive people tend to relax more when they have a stress ball around to help them release their vicious state. And at the same time, it's a good exercise too. After a few months, I bet you can crush hands with just a friendly handshake.
- Another sure way to avoid a murderous rampage is to always take a deep breath and tell yourself that the other driver is an idiot. Repeat till anger subsides.
2. Crucial Steps
- It does help to go to the gym to release those devils inside. Me? No thanks. But I do exercise regularly.. even if my body shape doesn't agree.. but whenever you do feel anger or any emotion that might lead to suicidal rampage, exercising helps to release those crazy hormones out to the wild. Swim more I would say, it helps to cool you off too.
- Sign up for anger management. Hey, you never know, you might have that psychotic killer instinct hidden deep within waiting to reign hell onto this world. Getting professional help might help you see bunnies in a different light.
Well that's all for now I guess. Remember, Rampage is only good in video games, not in real life. See ya then, psychos!
2. Crucial Steps
- It does help to go to the gym to release those devils inside. Me? No thanks. But I do exercise regularly.. even if my body shape doesn't agree.. but whenever you do feel anger or any emotion that might lead to suicidal rampage, exercising helps to release those crazy hormones out to the wild. Swim more I would say, it helps to cool you off too.
- Sign up for anger management. Hey, you never know, you might have that psychotic killer instinct hidden deep within waiting to reign hell onto this world. Getting professional help might help you see bunnies in a different light.
Well that's all for now I guess. Remember, Rampage is only good in video games, not in real life. See ya then, psychos!
